Yep, I'm still here.
As you could probably guess, I haven't had much time for blogging. Between managing five kids, dealing with the state, squeezing in visits with birthfamily, taking on extra piano gigs, working three part-time jobs, and trying to keep on top of household chores, cooking, etc., well, I've been a bit preoccupied. ;) Oh, and science fair projects. Ugh. Does anyone really enjoy working on those?
Just when I thought life was settling into a "new normal", yesterday took a wild turn on this foster care rollercoaster. The state notified us yesterday morning that our girls would be moving in mere hours to a new placement. We literally had a few hours to prepare. I sped home from work to pack up their belongings, and then I had to run to a memorial service that I was playing piano for while my husband went to meet the caseworker and pass the girls over to her. They were already at daycare for the day, so she just met him there to pick them up. When we dropped them off that morning, we had no idea that we wouldn't be bringing them back home with us that afternoon.
I didn't even get to say goodbye.
You can imagine the emotions swirling through my head, especially since we had virtually no notice, but before I up and complained about how unfair that might seem, passing them off so fast with no goodbye from myself, I took a step back to realize what a blessing it was at the same time. Unfair, yes. But easier on my emotions? Unfortunately, also a big yes. The truth is, no matter how hard it is to part ways, it is a good move for the girls, a step forward towards something we were wanting for them, and in time, the two months with us will be a mere blip on their radar. They will blend right in with the next family, they will be very loved and adored and well taken care of, and most importantly, they will be reunited with another sibling. And words cannot express how thankful I am for my husband through all of this. He has not only been a wonderful father to our three boys and the foster girls, but he has also very much "manned up" and taken charge, especially the hard parts of dealing with the state on tough issues, etc. I am thankful he was the one to do the "pass off" to the caseworker and handle the hard goodbyes.
In the midst of those emotions and thoughts all swirling wildly through my head, an image of Nanny McPhee popped up in my head. What was it she said in that movie? "When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go." The situation kind of made me feel like that. Those girls needed us for those two months. The situation changed and they no longer needed us specifically, so it was time to move on. You have to rise above the tough feelings and emotions and realize that their best interests must take precedence, and that is exactly what happened. It's nice to be able to move forward from our first fostering experience with a complete sense of peace about the situation and how it played out.
And then there were three.
Or so we thought. At the same time we passed off the two girls and thought we were back to our happy family of us and our three boys, the state called again. My husband hadn't even driven home yet from meeting the caseworker and the girls leaving.
Another sweet girl was needing a safe haven. Could we do it? Could we come get her in the next few hours?
So, you know how it goes...
And then there were FOUR. :)