Heartbroken.

This is not the post I was supposed to be putting up on my blog this afternoon. I'd already started this morning on the post all about our newest family member, but as you all know, life doesn't always go according to plan.

This afternoon when I returned home from my ballet stint, I was only greeted at the door by one dog instead of my usual two (the other three spend their days in the doghouse since they aren't exactly 100% trustworthy in the toileting department). Mazi bounded out the door to go potty, but I found sweet Summer, our golden retriever lying on our wood floors panting heavily. I knew something was wrong, called my husband immediately, and of course, began praying and begging God to make her be okay. My husband arrived, transferred her to the car, and rushed off to the vet, while I had to compose myself and go pick up our four-year-old from preschool.

Sure enough, about thirty minutes later, my husband called, sobbing into the phone that she was gone. She'd had a stroke and passed away in his arms before he was able to get to the vet, even though the vet said there would have been nothing he could have done to save her. We are thankful to God that she had 11 very happy years on this earth. My husband bought her four years before we met -- he showed up at the breeder's to get a puppy, and found out that she was the runt of the litter and was going to be put to sleep. My husband, ever the tender-hearted animal lover, immediately told them he wanted to buy her. He got Mazi, a Heinz-57 mix, a year later, and the two were inseparable from that point forward. I'm having a really hard time looking at Mazi right now because I don't think she even realizes yet that her best friend, her sister, is gone.

Man, this is hard.

This isn't supposed to be how today was going to go.

She is supposed to be here, sitting at my feet, thumping her tail and grinning up at me.

I know that her whole life was a blessing, I truly do, and I am thankful that she went quickly and probably not in much pain, but it still isn't erasing the fact that I want her back. I want her back. We're the family with FIVE dogs, and that wasn't supposed to change anytime soon. They're not just our dogs, they are our babies. Oh yeah, we've always been THOSE people. And she was our sweetest and happiest one.

I'll be okay, I promise. But you might just have to wait a little longer for that post about our sweet kitty. He's currently sitting on my shoulder (I don't even know if he weighs a pound yet), purring and drying my tears. Good timing, really.