Dear Snobby Mothers at PBK (Pottery Barn Kids),
I'm sorry I had to interrupt your plans this morning by walking into the store to pick up a baby gift. It was simply terrible of me to expect you to actually move your big honking $800 stroller out of the way for me to be able to pick up an item to purchase off the shelf. I shouldn't have bothered you since you were in the store only for the free story time (by the looks of the baseball diamonds balanced precariously on your fingers, I'm guessing you didn't really need their free services, but whatever). I'm sorry I was in your way by standing in line trying to pay for my items and get the heck out of Dodge. I apologize for trying to smile at you to brighten your day; I do realize it would have not been worth your time to burn enough calories by smiling back. I'm sorry that you are too busy to be bothered to keep your crazy out-of-control children from running and screaming around the store and bumping into actual customers like myself, all the while destroying the property of the store. I realize that it must be your highest hopes and dreams for your children to grow up to be just as snobby and disrespectful to others as yourselves -- if so, you are doing a fantastic job and should pat yourselves on the back, or better yet, buy a little something something at Saks or Coach to reward yourself for such a fine parenting job. Oh wait, looks like you already did. And it was a really nice touch to walk through the door I was graciously holding open for you with your three monsters, nanny, and even-snottier-looking-mother in tow without acknowledging my presence. It really just makes you appear so much better than the rest of us, which I'm guessing might be your aim.
Wishing you a wonderful life,